The Two Sides of Me

The day went well. Mostly.
Fucking insomnia last night did not. I couldn't sleep till 3am and it was fucking torture.
Therefore, I spent the hours monologuing about everyone I know in my year.
And myself. And my childhood. And about relationships. And how I became like this. And the two crazy contradictory sides of me.

See, most people tend to see my happy side and only get glimpses of my dark side. My happy side is the simple and naive girl (it's easier to be like that, people just assume you were brought up weirdly) who likes rainbows and unicorns and dolphins and ruffly dresses, which I do. But they rarely see through my smiles and perky attitude. They don't know the girl who knows that she isn't pretty and thin enough. The girl whose smiles are tired and her eyes empty.The girl who just doesn't want to give a fuck anymore. Nope.
Fuck, sometimes even I mix myself up. How could I expect people to understand me?

Ah it seems that I have just ranted a bit.

The pizza making was fun but it was a fucking business field trip and the guy didn't know a thing about business. I had two slices of mine and I'd say that it was pretty decent.

Food recap:
Pizza, 2 slices, 8 inches each: 273.6cals, 23g carbs, 10.6g fat and 1.6g sugar
Total: 273.6cals, 23g carbs, 10.6g fat and 1.6g sugar
Weight: 112lbs (yep I am blaming it on my period but I hope to push weight back down to 110 by next tuesday).

Was too tired to work out today. Sorry.
I hope I didn't gain weight. If I did then I'd have to fast (or intermittent depending on whether my family pushes too hard) tomorrow or Friday. Maybe both.

I swear I'll be back to 110lbs before next Tuesday. I have to be.

Tomorrow I'll be seeing my favorite teacher, Miss Smith (if she is available). I could wax poetic about how awesome a teacher she is. I look forward to seeing her. Hopefully it would cheer me up or at least make me feel something. I would say that she is to me as Mary is to Ruby.

Overuse of italics is normal.

Comment reply:
Sammy: Junk food is always the best kind of food. It's like a massive weapon that I surrender to. *winces* that was a weird metaphor.
Ah I think she's pretty thin - thinner than me at least.
I think it's my period but I'm not sure. A 500cals dinner isn't too bad for you since you exercise so much.
An E is a fail grade :( the first fail grade in our school is D (Some people say that in the actual exams D is a pass grade but I don't think so?)
I guess we all have our goals to meet :/ in my society here, at least, if not elsewhere, I am considered fat.
I love black too, it's such a shame I look even fatter in it. It's my favorite color.
I wish my personality was anything like yours.
Starbucks makes the best drinks. My teachers complain that they are overpriced. (but still buy from them anyway) Starbucks muffins are really good. I like anything Starbucks.
Nutella is expensive :/

I hope I sleep better tonight. And I hope to see her tomorrow.

Love,
Christie, bloated, tired, numb insomniac