I am either being ironic by playing this song or I am accurately describing today. In this case it's both.
Birthday rant that might not make much sense:
It's my birthday, that marks another year of growing older, another year of being a failure, another year of being fat. Another meaningless year passed. What have I to look forward to? Death. Years to come of being fat, of binging and restricting. Years of rejection and being a disappointment to everyone, years of being ungrateful for everything I have. The only thing I can actually be proud of is surviving - not giving up on life just yet. I receive so many birthday wishes. My smile in return is equal parts thankful and bitter. I don't really want to grow up just yet. When I was a kid growing up was something I anticipated and looked forward to. Now it's just more expectations to live up to. I think it's because when you're a child no one tells you the cons of growing up. None of the disadvantages. Only hopes and dreams, not darkness and despair. Do I only have the two choices of growing up or dying?
I took Kay and Bella's advice and got the heavenly chocolate cake. Of course everyone then told me they preferred cheesecake.
Me *stuttering*: B-but....you said I could choose!
This is the problem with my family.
Lesson of the day: Your Birthday Is No Excuse For A Binge.
I didn't even bother with MPA because I don't remember half the things I had. Amounts up to around 2000 calories?
And I'm so full I can barely move. I still have the weird hollow feeling...
Typical me, having a birthday where I complain about every detail.
I packed my clothes today for Australia. This may or may not be my last post...I'll see if I can squeeze one more in before I leave tomorrow. Love y'all :) Sammy, Ruby, Cursum Perficio, Kay, Bella, Chris (I miss you, why did you delete your blog ><) ...did I miss anyone? Anyway, I'll see you all round. I'll try to catch up as often as possible...I'll be back the latest on the 18th of August or the 19th if things get bad.
Reading Impulse by Ellen Hopkins. Ellen Hopkins is one of my favorite artists along with Jodi Picoult and several others. It's a great book like every other.
I want to write something...just a passage. Like how the characters explain feelings. One character described bipolar disorder (they call it BPD but isn't that border personality disorder?) as white and blue zones...the white being mania and the blue being depression. To me....depression is grey. Like a mist or a fog. Others, I'll go into details later...
Kay: Thanks :) I saw your pictures! You're lovely as always ^_^
Both are yummy :P
I almost always don't get sleep so I'm used to it
Bella: Thanks, class was actually not bad for once. I watched Pitch Perfect. Does that qualify as "fun"? I love music so it was quite nice. I remember seeing a chocolate cake in one of your older posts...that looked much nicer than the one I had!
It was my first convention! I liked it very much. You should go! To any one of them :) have some fun! I'm coming to Australia! ><
So see you all round...and maybe I'll stop myself drowning in misery to actually celebrate this day of doom. (well after all I was born)
Love,
Christie
Oohhhh no! I'm going to miss you! I do hope you have a great time though! I've never been to Australia and think it'd be truly amazing to travel there! To just see other parts of the world : )
ReplyDeleteAlso, you know me, trying to look on the bright side of everything (which im sure is a bother sometimes lol) but, yes getting older seems depressing, but there are actually so many things to look forward to, and it seems hard when all you think about is food and you think you'll be stuck in this world forever, but whether you're stuck on food or not, you should enjoy your life! You are so young still and have so much! First of all, just enjoy being a kid, having friends, having fun! having no worries yet! Then you can think about college, which is AMAZING, i've met the best friends i've ever had in my entire life in the past 3 years of college, and the man i hope to marry. speaking of that, you could meet an amazing boy that changes your life! or girl if that's what you want! You can move in together, get married, travel, have fun, maybe kids one day!
I know it seems hard to maybe imagine those things, but it's exciting, really exciting when you live your life truly.
So with that said, have FUN in Australia! <3 & I can't wait to have you back so I can read alll about it! : )
Awh happy birthday Christie
ReplyDeleteEven though you don't feel like celebrating much
Growing up is hard
There's no two ways about it
But it is also amazing and awesome
And you will see that in time
Have a great time away girl
Enjoy yourself
You deserve it
And to answer your question, no I do not hate you at all my dear
Why would you think that
You are cute and lovely and it would be impossible to hate you
Take care and talk soon x
Happy birthday! I know they can kinda such looking back on the year if it hasn't been so great, but you're right, you've survived another year, so let's celebrate that :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you chose the chocolate cake. Who cares, it's your birthday. They can have cheesecake on theirs.
Try to have fun in Australia! I really want to see more of it. Sadly the weather's shitty at the moment, but oh well.
Take care. I can't wait to hear all about your holiday <3 xx