TW: Being Happy Is Hard

Today was a tough day...
I had an inter-house (we have four houses in our school - Mozart (my house), Tchaikovsky, Handel and Beethoven) dodgeball competition today and I had voluntarily signed up, but afterwards has informed the house captain that I would be unable to attend because of my singing performance rehearsal. I apparently was ignored and they made me go anyway. I got permission from the rehearsals director to go.
I hated it. Every single second of the three matches. It was absolute torture.
I don't know why, but I was so freaked out. I couldn't stop crying, even when I was running and dodging, I was so nervous and scared even though I knew it was just a game. My teammates thought it was weird but well there wasn't really any time to care. We won that first match but it was the worst one. The whole experience was horrible. I didn't even get hit (I did in the next two matches).
They made me go again for the other two matches. I didn't cry during the second match - it was easier to bear - but I was still frightened. I did however cry after the third match. Part fear and part relief that it was over.
But I don't understand, still, why I was so frightened. I had played in all the matches for the last four years (this being my fifth year of secondary school and second year of high school) and I had always loved dodgeball.
Maybe it's just me overreacting.
On the positive side (since my goal was to be optimistic) we won one of the matches - the first one when I was freaking out majorly.

472 calories today - one of the things worth being happy about. You can see I'm really running out of things here. Especially when I gained weight to 111lbs now. Don't ask why because I don't fucking know.

On a side note, I'd like everyone to vote on their favorite M&Ms? Just for fun :P because it seemed to pop up in so many of the comments. Choose from original, peanut, almond, crispy, mint and peanut butter please! Mine would be peanut butter <3

Bella: Didn't get to go, I don't know what would happen next. Everything's pretty confusing right now.
Instead I beat myself up for something else...

Cursum Perficio: It is fun...and weird. It's basically sarcasm, concentrated with a tiny drop of positivity.
Re: older post:
They are probably one of the best candies. Kit kats are heavenly though.

Sammy: Thanks. May not seem like it but I'm trying.
Re: older post:
I doubt that I'll still grow. I've been at this height for two years now.
I love Reese's but they don't sell them here :( I've only had a pack in Australia.
You are pretty optimistic :) and really sarcastic.
I am never asleep when I should be :P take care and get well soon!

Kay: Thanks for the GIF :) it cheered me up
My calorie intake may be normal for my age but it ain't normal for me...if I eat like that every day I'd gain so much weight :/

My apologies for not commenting lately, I'll catch up tomorrow <3

Love,
Christie