Warning: long rant ahead.
Okay, so I've seen in so many books that say adolescence is about fitting in, not standing out.
It is about fitting in - but being the slightest bit different, the slightest bit more talented.
My mother hates me wearing lolita clothing - princessy, pastel colors, lace. It isn't the norm of shorts and tee shirts, it wasn't something society saw as acceptable, therefore if I wear it I am a freak. And she hates that I'm labeled already as a freak by some of my classmates. In particular my mother really like a classmate of mine, Jolene (alias), and wants me to be friends with her. I have no idea why.
Jolene thinks I'm weird. Honestly, I don't blame her - I can come off a little strange sometimes. But believe me, we don't mix. I will never fit into her clique. I long for the day that I am not invisible in my class, but I don't care for her circle of friends. They're nice enough, but we don't mingle.
Believe me, I've spent 5 years trying to achieve popularity before getting close to something like it - in Year 7, I became close friends with some of the most popular girls and I had lunch everyday with them. They aren't horrible as described in books, but some of them can be pretty tactless. Every day I spent with Letitia, however, was a day that I grew apart with the popular girls. Some of them aren't quite as friendly now, but I can't expect everyone to like me. Professor P is a genius, she's popular, she is one of my best friends. So I did get a lot out of the "popular experience". I don't want to be popular anymore - you hardly get any privacy - but I want to fit in.
The want is not so much, though, that I would change myself to do so. I changed myself for that one year of popularity - speaking Cantonese everyday, reading less and hanging out more, doing risque things that I wouldn't do now - it wasn't worth it. I am a quirky person. I will not wear normal clothing for society. Normal is hard to define, anyway.
Yes, as a person who is dieting (or supposed to be but actually screwed up today and had about 1600 calories) this would sound hypocritical, but being a part of society is the least of my worries or my goals when it comes to losing weight.
I did a crazy rant there (no it's not over yet) because today, my mum reminded me that unless it was Halloween or I had her permission (ha) I have been forbidden to wear Japanese styled clothing in public. Methinks my mother is ashamed of me. Honestly, no surprises there.
Today my uncle posted something on Facebook, saying that gay and lesbian people make him feel sick. I felt slightly pissed off and quite curious, so I asked him how so. He replied to me that the few gay people he met were all assholes, and that humble gay people were alright but he hates arrogant gay people. I wanted to scream at him. So arrogant straight people are okay?
For reference, I'm not homosexual, but I don't know my sexual orientation - I think I'm too young to have it figured out this soon. I however have plenty of friends of different sexual orientations - Letitia is straight, I know a few older kids at school who are bisexual, asexual or gay, and I hate people judging them.
If I'm born into a narrow minded family....does that make me narrow minded?
--rant over--
So...1600 calories.
It's my dad's birthday tomorrow. We had the pre-celebration tonight as my mother will be leaving to Macau for a three day business trip, and the proper celebration will be tomorrow night. Le sigh. So much food.
110.5 lbs.
Tired today - I've been looking forward to Sunday and somehow I felt like everyone in my family was pissed at me today for one reason or another.
I am however pretty satisfied - I finished side seams on my pink skirt project and I'm nearly done with the hem - that leaves me with gathering the skirt and attaching it to my waistband.
I'm not really sure how long the skirt will wear - it's all hand sewn and I don't know how to keep the fabric from fraying. Any hints Bella? I don't have an overlocker :(
A happier recommendation today from me - hopefully Bubbly by Colbie Caillat will brighten your day.
I'll catch up on blogs tomorrow!
Phil: Homework. I've been stuck with it too, myself.
Aw, bad internet connection sucks. I'm not a techie myself either :(
I don't mind - I swear more often than not on this blog.
I think everyone has their own Miss Smith - every one is unique though. Like Ruby and Mary.
Don't be sorry for lurking my blog! Yes, I did lose a friend - it was terribly upsetting, but I think it's for the best. He just wasn't the same person anymore.
I'll listen to the music tomorrow! I love Lana but I haven't listened to her new album. I've only listened to a few CRJ songs (her cover of Both Sides Now being my favorite) but I'm looking forward to it :) thanks!
You have a great day too!
Hey, if you don't mind me asking, is Philadelphia your real name? Phil? Philly? Phillipa?(I think I saw Phillipa as your signature once?) Phillip?
See everyone tomorrow!
Love,
Christie
It's so hard to "fit in". To be somewhat normal to fit into society, but somewhat odd to keep your own character and uniqueness.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your mother just wants you to be successful, she may seem overbearing or close minded, but I'm sure it's all out of love.
To be honest, at least here in the states, you don't get very far if you don't fit in.
If people don't like you, you're not going to get a job, ever, in any profession...anywhere...
It's all about connections. Life is all about connections these days. And I'm sure that's where she's coming from, as in, she wants you to go to school, get a job, be successful, have friends, be loved by many.
It's a great goal for her to have for you, but you need to also be true to yourself.
It's hard, but you'll just have to try to find a happy medium of satisfying your mother but keeping your own quirky habits : )
Always here to listen to you rant. <3
Being popular is a very subjective thing, really. It doesn't seem that way in high school because there are so many hierarchies and social structures but being popular just means having people like you, and it doesn't matter who those people are.
ReplyDeleteI definitely know why you want to hang out with all the popular kids but be careful. Don't sacrifice true friends for popularity because it's really not worth it. Popularity won't stay with you after high school, friends will.
1600 calories is a dieting calorie number...
And I love that song! It's so happy and whimsical.
If you ask me, adolescence is about survival. Like Emily said, popularity won't stay around. I never 'fit in' at school. It made school a generally unpleasant experience, to say the least. It didn't help my mental health and I dropped out at 15, and I haven't been well enough to study since. Even my 'friends' bullied me. I don't keep contact with anyone I went to school with. Most of them will never be able to find me since changing my name and I love it that way (I don't exist online under my birth name).
ReplyDeleteThe only time I've ever fit in was when I was 16-17, practically living at a gaming cafe surrounded by amazing people, hanging out with a group of random hippies and goths practicing circus skills together in the city every weekend. It was a magical time, haha.
I remember when mum would try to stop me from dressing the way I wanted to. I know it sucks, but it just takes time and a combination of both age and probably in part her realizing that it's how you really want to dress and not just some phase. My suggestion would be to try to incorporate elements of the Lolita style into more 'normal' clothing choices if you can. Find pastel pink shirts, clothes with subtle lace edging, little bows or pieces of jewelry. Think small, gradual changes to your wardrobe that your mum might be more comfortable with than Lolita dresses.
There's two things you can do to stop the skirt fraying. Firstly, you can learn how to sew an overcast stitch. It's time consuming, but it's basically overlooking by hand, how they did it back in the day ;)
Secondly, you can normally get this special glue at a craft store, here it's usually called 'Fray Stop' or something similar. It's like a really thin glue and you apply it to the edges of the fabric to stop them fraying.
xx