Much Calories, So Sugar

The not counting calories thing is really hard - I don't think I'll ever be able not to count calories. I tend to still estimate the amount in my head and I can't stop checking nutrition labels.

112.5lbs. I couldn't exactly say that I was surprised.

Confession time: I had a slice of cake Monday and Wednesday and tonight each.
I ate 4 ounces of cream cheese last night.
Just then I stole my mum's bag of maple pecans and stuffed myself even though I knew that nuts were high in calories and were the number one on my fear foods list and then I got caught by my helper and now I'm just hoping she won't tell. I know this makes me sound more fucked up that I already am. There you go. (Update: My mum freaked out at me and told me that it was okay as long as I lost weight)

I am hoping to see my psychologist soon, but my parents said maybe Christmas. They want me to focus on schoolwork. The counselors at my school are absolutely crap and they don't do anything. One time I got called in because a teacher told one of the counselors that I was cutting which I wasn't, I was sticking pins through my skin but that was for fun and had nothing to do with self harm and the counselors basically told me that I'd get expelled or I'd have to see the principal if that continues. So what the fuck, screw them. My psychologist Miss Lee, on the other hand, is super nice and sensible. She tends to be really optimistic which is the only thing that bugs me (is helpful in certain situations though).

So I still haven't gotten around to lining the waistband on my skirt, I'm planning to do that in the weekend. I also want to go to the gym, we'll see about that. I have only disappointment for my new yoga teacher Robert but then again I am disappointed by most things and change takes getting used to.

After this week I'll be back to 500 calories a day. I had better. On Wednesday I was panicking the whole day at school because I didn't weight myself and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was going out of my mind hence not blogging. Remind me to never forget to weigh myself in the morning.

On a brighter note I bought a magazine today - the newest edition of the Gothic and Lolita Bible - basically a fashion magazine, but the clothing is all lolita or gothic, or both, with a little punk. It cost me 163HKD (fucking expensive but what can I say it's imported from Japan) that's around 21 USD. I only have 3 of these because they're expensive, it's a quarterly magazine and the bookstore only imports 2 copies. One of my teachers took a look at it (I was on a school trip to a bookstore and I bought the magazine after the trip) and told me it was very "me". I'll take that as a compliment because I really hope it wasn't an insult...

An old picture of a G&LB that I have, because I can't find a photo of the newest volume.

Another pleasant piece of news...a few lolitas on facebook have asked if I do commissions. I'd like to, but I'd probably wait until I have a sewing machine, and after GCSEs. It sounds like an exciting prospect to me though. And I don't mind if I don't earn much of a profit since I'm just doing it all in good fun. Also depends on my parents.

Oh and I took this test. Apparently I'm irritable and moody. Anyone else not fucking surprised?

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results Warmth ||||||||||||||| 50% Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Emotional Stability ||||||||| 26% Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 38% Liveliness ||||||||||||||| 42% Dutifulness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Paranoia ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Introversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Anxiety |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Independence |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Tension ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)

The song I share today will be Nessun Dorma by Hollie Steel. I love this song, I learnt it as a kid. I don't really know much other opera.

I now love wearing my hair in two braids - in summer it was a high pony (to imitate the young ladies I saw in Australia, as per my mother's wishes) and before that I wore it in double ponies, or fishtail braids, or a headband with a bow (that particular one got banned because apparently the bow was too big). I still wear the other hairstyles occasionally but two braids is my favorite hairstyle - it's not OTT cute but not totally plain and it stands out.

Just posting this here because I love Wednesday. She's one of my favorite TV characters. 

Sammy: Wish I could give you a piece :/ if we ever meet I'll make you a whole cake :D
I'm not jealous of my weight. Not at all. I seem to be the only one here that keeps gaining.
Ciel is a boy. He had to dress up as a girl for a ball so he could infiltrate a duke's manor :P
Thanks :) not so good today but thanks.
Thankfully then I don't mind blunt people :) sometimes I like them better - they tell you what they think instead of going around it which means I might misunderstand (and I tend to).
Good luck on the notes then, and take care <3

Bella: I'll try finding that at the supermarket! Do Tim Tams work? Or wafers?
I like drawing, but I can only draw well when I'm in the mood :P a lot of my hobbies depend on my mood and I'm not really sure if it's the same for everyone.
I was planning on making a circle skirt out of red velvet for Christmas (if I can find the fabric, that is) thanks for the link! I haven't figured out the math yet but it doesn't seem too hard. Also I've been thinking about what project to start next even though I'm not done with this one :P probably either the circle skirt or an overskirt (black velvet/cotton, either a pull up ribbon bustle or an apron styled, examples below) - I have ordered a white ruffled underskirt online, simply because I was too lazy to do ruffles.

A pull up ribbon bustle - my underskirt is cotton though not chiffon.

An apron-styled underskirt - I'd choose to use velvet for this probably unless I find soft cotton.

Love,
Christie