It's Not Right But It's Okay

Hi.
I never thought about comparing a good Whitney song (and excellent Glee cover) to a binge.

112 lbs (extreme weight gain!!!!!!) and fasting tomorrow (won't be tempted to buy food - I'm not going home myself tomorrow)

Food recap.
Popsicle: 39cals, 9.4g carbs, 0g fat, 9.4g sugar
Crisps: 654.6cals (!), god knows how much since I didn't pay attention
Dinner: some scrambled eggs cooked with diced beans and roast chinese pork, and veg and tomato soup. I'd say around 70 cals since I ate a tiny amount. (I was forced to eat this. Normally I'd only binge on junk for 15 minutes and throw whatever is left away and that'd be my meal of the day)

God I'm really going crazy. I can't stop obsessing over calories and my BMI but I still eat. I literally will not stop thinking about losing weight, it's there all the time, when I'm doing my chem test, when I'm at business detention, when I'm heating acrylic in design class, when I'm running around in drama class.

I found this and I want to ask whether if it's real:

I'm not sure but I did sit in the bath in ice cold water for 20 minutes. Some people says it doesn't work and some says it does. I think its the same concept as going into a sauna. I like doing it anyway - it's relaxing and I can read in the bathtub (of course, if I dropped the book into the water I'd be dead - the book was from the library) I may do this again tonight if I get tired from writing my speech. (I have interestingly decided to write about EDs. For my GCSE coursework speech.) Update: I did it again, this time for 30 minutes and it was so good ^^

I want to draw one of those cut hands whenever I feel depressed. I don't cut. I have heard that it works well in numbing emotional pain but I'm using it as a last resort, much like purging - it is extremely addictive. I can only conclude that I go on the ED/SI side of Tumblr too much.

Later in the evening: I am so screwed. I accidentally sent an email to a teacher with my signature of 'stay thin' which was intended for myself. And my teacher wants to talk to me tomorrow. So screwed :(

I don't know how much longer my 'happy' state will last. I will most likely slip back into 'depressed' state soon but let's hope it doesn't come. It will definitely come next week sometime at exams though, I tend to be depressed during exams.

I'm pretty sure that the best junk food for me would be popsicles, seconded by candy. Crisps have a lot of sodium which makes me gain water weight and chocolate makes my allergies act up. Candy has a high sugar amount but my favorite Frutips popsicles has only 9.4g of sugar ^^ yay

I'm thinking of making a new red bracelet. Of ribbon. (I know strictly it's supposed to be beading but no one cares either way) I'll make a pink one probably with a red bead. And maybe add some green or make another one to wear when I'm fasting.

Comments:
Sam: Nawww. I eat. Junk food.
I don't think I can purge, not unless I really want to do it, and I don't. So I won't worry about it yet.
I gained too much today >< not 110 anymore.
I'd aspire to be the 'thin girl who is happy'
I guess I'm too used to boiled cauliflower then XD I love it! I love broccoli with cheese though.
Oh wow is that biology talk because I don't study biology O_O
Yeah, let's swap :) My mum wants me to be taller and thinner.
Love your stories, I'm still going through them. I don't quite know who Chandler is (I'm assuming he's an ex of Kurt's in late S3 or S4 )
Oh then you are lucky, most people don't look as cute with glasses! They make my eyes small :/
Chris is every man and woman's dream ^^
Thanks :) you do know that they aren't same as the meanings in French, right?...I don't watch Hannibal, is it a TV show?
I am stupid at using Excel. It should be simple but I'm too lazy :P If I need a chart I'd draw one in Word.

Thinspiration:

Love,
Christie :)