^also known as "binge on candy holiday". I gained roughly 5 pounds.
Chinese New Year has been a rollercoaster of emotions I guess. A lot of happiness seeing my distant relatives and friends, but I also had numerous times of crying in the bathroom - not uncommon for me, but still, I don't want red eyes and bloated cheeks because mum would be mad. But it wasn't a bad holiday altogether if you ignore my weight. Think it's around 116-117 if I'm lucky, because I didn't weigh myself this week. I probably should start facing the scale soon. I should also cut the crazy intake (around 900 cals) soon because it's not helping me lose weight.
Lately I've been having weird dreams. Usually I wake up in my dream and I walk out to the living room and look for the computer/toilet (depends on whether I'm napping or waking up in the morning) and I realize it's the middle of the night and then I find myself in my bedroom again and I try to wake up again. Sometimes I think I'm moving but really I'm not. It freaks me out and it's like I can't escape from my dreams no matter how much I want to wake up. Also in yoga class there's the final resting pose and the lights are dimmed. Whenever I try to move the light zaps me. I swear I'm not making this up, maybe it's my brain messing with me or something but it hurts when I move/turn my head and I can't stop the eye contact with the lightbulb.
Owe y'all an apology, I said I'd be posting more but I stopped after two weeks or so. I'm just too ashamed to post here sometimes because of my weight.
I don't have much more to say. I'll post comments to blogs later. Love you all.
Also Sammy, I got your message on the other site, I'm sorry I didn't check my email >-<
Love,
Christie
Good to get an update Christie
ReplyDeleteAnd happy new year to you too!
You look adorable in your pic
And you are still a tiny little thing
Don't ever feel ashamed
No judgement here x
You look wonderful in your picture. I'm not sure if I've told you this before, but I just love your sense of style! I always have the same irrational fear that people will judge me if I come back and write about my failures, but that never happens. Don't be afraid to talk, it's your blog after all, and anyone who is upset with you can screw off. Take care.
ReplyDelete<3 Lee
Aww, Christie, you are adorable. You look like a cute pastel version of Little Red Riding Hood.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I think this community would be the last people to ever judge or think badly of you (or anyone else for that matter) because of your weight. It's always up to you whether or not you even tell us your weight - if it's stressing you out too much, you don't need to. We won't judge either way :)
Sending lots of love and hugs <3
xxxx
Chinese New Year? where's the meat? i would assume that CYN's dishes are more savoury than sweet. of course, i wouldn't know. i'm such a fake Asian sitting here in the Middle East.
ReplyDelete'crazy intake'?! i can lose lots of lbs on 900. that's insane. also, i just have to tell you one more thing: i'm so sorry that you were crying in the bathroom. that makes me so sad. i cannot cry anymore, and it upsets me at times.
ah. those. they'll go away eventually. i call it a strange surreal experience. and i know what you're talking about. the meditation part of yoga. i think i'd go to yoga just for that. i've had dreams so bad that they actually effected my day-to-day functioning. one of my biggest fears is that everyone around me somehow gets skeletal. i used to ask people all the time if they ate/when they've eaten at the absolute worst of the depression. it was a very real delusion for me. i don't fear it anymore, though it was such a strange thing for me to believe it.
and i agree with Bella on the cute pastel version of Little Red Riding Hood!
and Bella is very right on the fact that people here don't really give a shit about your weight. especially nowhere near as much as you do. you could gain 50lbs overnight and we'd still love you. i'm more likely to pester you about your weight if i think you're getting too thin actually. <3 like i did with the 105 part. that shocked me and scared me so much honestly.
ahahaha. you did now, didn't you? don't ignore me.
-Sam Lupin
comment reply:
ReplyDelete"Your words are beautiful Sammy, as much as they are sad."
but darling, they weren't meant to be sad at all.
"I hope you figure everything out soon. I know I say that a lot, but I really mean it because it breaks my heart hearing that you're suffering."
it's alright. i'll live through it. thank you for your concern, darling. i do not particularly feel deserving of it at the moment actually. part of me wishes people did not care so much.
"Maybe the memory was created so that you would remember happiness?"
i believe so.
"I'm not sure, I'm never sure about philosophical things but that's just my thoughts." there are no answers to philosophical things. that's just it. you could be right. you could be wrong. you could be both most times.
-Sam Lupin