I'm not going through a hard time. I don't think so, at least.
But everything just gets a little stressful now and then.
I know I haven't made a post in a long time and I'm sorry. Especially since these are all sad-ish ones. Melancholy. Whatever. I've been sleeping half an hour a day, and I'm sorta busy, just thought I'd post because I need a fucking break from painting shit.
I'm painting a cupboard that I made, to be more precise. I'm spending nights painting it, while typing up notes for exams and drawing more diagrams. I think my head is going to explode from seeing pastels. Don't get me wrong, I still love them though. And DT is my favorite subject, but like I said up there it's just a little stressful now. I'll post a picture when it's done if I remember.
I've been reading a lot of fanfiction at school lately, between classes, to relax a bit, Instead of a song recommendation today I'd like to recommend It's Cold In Here by eloquentfever. Sammy is a wonderful writer and I'm a little obesessed with this story. It's pretty triggery though, just as a warning.
I'm still feeling sorta down lately like tiny things can make me feel horrible about myself. I used to love playing the guitar, it was something special to me that I was so proud of my helper/nanny teaching me. Not, since I started guitar classes with Letitia. She just seems to be better at everything and I don't want to make her feel bad or anything but I don't understand how she can do it. She's better than I am at everything, and I don't want to be competitive with my best friend, because I am also truly proud of her. I'm just self-centered.
Also, I may be the only person who would eat a whole pound cake in one go. After a panini for lunch. 300g of chocolate pound cake - delicious, but also 1231 calories and not so worth it. I'll see if I can mono on it or something maybe. My weight is around 115-119 and it fluctuates a lot.
Sometimes I'd remember the times when I thought that 103lbs was fat. That was when I was 11 and I was just a few centimeter shorter. So surely I can get back to that weight...?
Oh, and I made a laxative schedule thing because I need to lose as much weight as I can for prom. Shallow, but necessary. I know I shouldn't be worried about prom and it's so not on the top of my priority list right now but I have to lose weight and my mother never stops talking about it.
Comment replies:
Ruby: Yes, overwhelmed is pretty damn accurate.
I'm trying to prioritize them, I promise :) I hope I am doing fine.
Sammy: Ah, we all get lost for words sometimes. I hope things get better, for everyone to be honest.
K.: Yep :P I overthink too much. I'm too sensitive sometimes as well.
Take care of yourselves everyone <3 love y'all.
Love,
Christie
Don't be so strict for youself, honey! There can be many people better than youbut do what makes you happy. I've always wanted to play guitar but I haven't had anyone around to teach me.
ReplyDeleteRecently I crave chocolate all the time and then feel bad, so I fully understand your struggle.
Hey sweetie, it's good to see an update from you.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't remember to post a photo of the cupboard, I'll bug you until you do.
Could you find a new guitar teacher? Honestly, you want your teacher to be above-and-beyond you, but when friendship's involved I understand it can be tough. The most important thing is that you enjoy it and have fun. I taught myself the keyboard, and started teaching myself guitar, but I never even learnt a chord, only a few single notes.
That's not a whole pound cake! It's only 2/3 of a pound ;)
Please be careful with the lax. In my experience, you might lose an extra few pounds the first week, but after that it slows back down to normal weight loss, and can take a few weeks for your weight to even out when you stop them after the initial gain. The only way they'll lead to real weight loss is the calories you burn running to the toilet to avoid shitting yourself.
I know you've heard it all a million times before, but I still have to say it *hugs*
Take care pretty lady <3
xxxx