TW: I'm a shitty, shitty person

And I've had a shitty, shitty day.

Oh, yes, it's completely my fault this time. There's really no one else to blame - and this isn't just my self-hatred talking or anything like that, anyone else would agree.

I didn't do my geography homework. Well, I started it and wrote about one or two paragraphs, but I didn't finish it because I didn't think the teacher would check it. We had three classes - one in the morning and two after lunchtime. In the morning lesson he didn't collect it - he doesn't collect most of our homework - so I assumed that he wasn't going to. But he got really pissed in the afternoon and he started jokingly making suggestions to the class about what he should do with us (the kids who didn't do the homework) and he said something like branding a tattoo and I just started crying because I was genuinely scared. I probably looked really stupid.

When mum came home she told me I look bloated my eyes were red from crying but she'd scold me even more if she knew I cried at school.

Also, my throat hurts like hell. I can still sing, but fuck does it hurt.

I had around 1000 calories today. Weight at 115lbs. I don't want to talk about it.

I'm attacked on tumblr by Klainers for shipping Brittana. What the actual fuck - I ship Klaine as well. And I don't think it's fair. But well, the internet, people say what they want I guess.

Song quote appreciation: "When I grow up I want to be nothing at all" - The End by My Chemical Romance

Comment replies: (again, I copy/pasted comments because it's been a long time)
Kay:
OMG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! DO YOU NOT LOVE US ANYMORE?! 
lol i'm just kidding. But seriously, I have missed you. 
Is mono just eating one food for a whole day?
I don't know if I could do that! I get bored of one food too quickly lol. 

Anyways glad to see you back! 
<3
Kay. 
Aw honey you know I love you guys I just got busy and lazy :P I miss you too! But you're really busy with schoolwork and such >_<
Yes, mono is just eating one food! I choose foods I really like (chocolate, prunes, tea eggs, almonds are my favorite) so I don't get tired quickly.

 Bella:
Tea eggs sound interesting. I can't say I've heard of them before. Stupid question, but do they taste like tea? I kinda like my eggs to taste like eggs. 
Yeah, TFIOS had me crying. I'm a sucker for movies like that. 
Sam hasn't tried Picnics?! This is unacceptable Sam. TRY ONE! I will post you one if I have to. 
(Sorry for hijacking your comments. Sam has that effect on me.)

<3
xxxx

They taste like eggs, still, but flavored.
I didn't cry - I did cry reading the book though. Visual images don't move me the way words do.
YES SAM SHOULD TRY PICNICS. And I don't mind comment-hijacking :)

I find a good rule of thumb for chocolate if you don't know the exact calories is roughly 500 cal per 100g. Doesn't really matter if it's plain or filled. Higher fat chocolates like Lindt are a little more, but even still, I find it to be a good estimation when I'm working things out in my head. 

It sounds like maybe your parents are concerned, more than pissed off? It can be a worry seeing drawings that are morbid, and maybe they don't know how to react. Hell, my mum still gets uneasy when I show her my drawings, writing, the music I listen to, etc.. You said they're even more convinced that you're "screwed up and a mess", but maybe they're worried for you and don't know what to say or do. 

Take care of yourself sweetie <3
xxxx 

Thanks! I usually estimate the same amount for chocolate bars but they differ. Oh, thank goodness I don't have a particular liking for Lindt then, in fact I don't find them very nice for how much they cost.
Maybe? I've been to a psychologist because of my drawings/photos I've posted on facebook before (Tyler Shields photos). She just told my mum I was being creative. They were quite pissed off, really. They don't care for the music I listen to, but my mother highly discourages my writing and art, because it isn't anything society accepts (yeah, she's really prim and proper). I don't think they need to worry about anything though.
You take care of yourself too dear! I hope you're feeling better this week.

(Here Cadbury Dairy Milk is 519 cal and Old Gold is 522 cal, if you want to get specific, which Sammy and I always do)

White chocolate doesn't even count, it's barely even chocolate! There's no cocoa powder, and some don't even have cocoa butter. Nestle Milkybar actually contains vegetable fat instead, so it's not even classed as chocolate. It's mostly full cream milk powder and vegetable fat. 

Love you both <3
xxxx 

Thanks! I've never had Old Gold but I'll keep Cadbury in mind. I love white chocolate, but I agree that it usually isn't much chocolate-y technically. And it's really fat >_< I only eat white chocolate on monos.

Sammy: (warning: this is really long :P )
as you know, I do agree with MFP. just pointing it out there. <3
I honestly don't know how anyone can survive on so little food, especially after Minnie Maud. I don't think I can eat that little ever again. I might be able to, but i'd be hungry as hell. 
that doesn't exist here. those tea eggs sound heavenly though. eh.
comment reply:
it's a strange exception. i'm still considered to be in recovery considering my eating habits and my thoughts aren't eradicated. it's not until i'm content with myself that I can consider myself as being recovered x
I loathe frozen caramel actually. I love it when it's warm. I absolutely enjoy warm food. I would put all my chocolate bars in the microwave if they wouldn't just melt. sad thing about them. Starbars are peanuts & caramel and Boosts have a biscuit layer. that's from memory. how about Double Deckers? I remember liking those but I haven't had them since the depression either (yes, depression clouds my taste buds. I lost a good chunk of weight during that time!)
it's actually 11 now. I fell asleep @ 5 and woke up at 8. 
AHS is good. it's a strange kind of good. because it's Ryan Murphy, it somehow starts off as amazing and then veers off during the end. for me, the ending is what matters and sometimes, it's like "...this doesn't really make any sense to me." it's always better the first time you watch it and the second time, not as much for me. :) I think everyone loved the first season the most (though be warned - there are mentions of self-harm in the first season).
oh wow. so, like me.
yes, I've seen! I'd follow back but i'm lazy and I only use tumblr on my phone.
I hope so. i'm a very impatient person. xx

-Sam Lupin 

Of course you do :P
Well, I suppose there are online recipes to do it, as long as you can get the right herbs it shouldn't be hard.
Oh, I didn't know that! I hope you recover soon then because you deserve to be content with yourself ^^
To each their own I suppose! I remember Starbars now! We used to have them for a while before they somehow disappeared. I love Double Deckers and I recommend them! Picnics ftw though.
11 is pretty early, it's 1am here :P
I have to watch it! Yep, that tends to happen with RM's shows - Nip/Tuck, Glee and AHS. Thanks for the warning (won't watch it w/ parents in this case)
Oh, I don't mind :) and I wish I could use tumblr on mine...I should show y'all what my phone looks like.

^she's right for calorie content. for milk chocolate, more along the lines of 500-520kcal per 100 gr. for white chocolate, anywhere from 580-600 kcal for 100 gr. Lindt...yes, those balls that are 12 gr. are 70-80kcal, so 100 gr. of Lindt truffles for example, are 580-667 kcal per 100 gr. despite the fact that they are milk and not white.

honey, i'm sorry that your brother leaving is impacting you a lot. shhhh. he'll be back, and you are safe.

good luck with yoga. I hope it isn't too bad!

I second Bella yet again. the thing is parents do care, especially when it comes to the Asian side of things...a lot of things are taboo, or things that parents especially do not like talking about. i'm sure that they are just worried, but do not know how to express it. try not to think about it too much, kitten. it happens.

also, i'm going to watch Glee tonight. i'm excited already!! xx i'm re-watching the seasons :) today is day 4, so i'm going to watch "Preggers". xxx

-Sam Lupin 

Thanks for the info again :) that's so many calories :o
He's back now - it was a one day trip but I hate sleeping alone at night.
It wasn't horrible but I don't like this teacher in particular.
Oh well, yeah - parents.
Lucky you! Although I get to watch when my mum's friends come over for Chinese New Year. Or maybe I'll watch Chicago. I can never just stick to one episode once I start watching Glee.

that song pretty much sounds like life. it doesn't like you've had a good day, kitten. 

i'm sorry that you feel so bad towards your weight and intake at the moment. if it helps, I eat around that amount regularly enough. i'm hoping that you feel lots better soon.

take care of yourself, Christie darling.

-Sam Lupin 

Well, the original song is about life :) my day yesterday was better.
My intake just never matches up with my weight gain/loss :/ and MFP never gives correct predictions.
Take care of yourself too Sammy :)

comment reply to the comment you left on my post:

the caramel one was nice. I love caramel but I hate how rich and sticky it could be. though nowadays, i'm pretty much inhaling caramel anyway. it doesn't get that sickening for me anymore. 
my sister brought us chicken wings. the joys of eating when you're not eating at home. and hey, if it helps, 2 slices of pizza is always standard. 6, however, takes a real champion. i have eaten entire pizzas before. entire medium ones on regular intervals. there was a week where i ONLY ate pizza. it was glorious.
"GLEE. 
^that deserved a line of its own." i know right?
i love chickpeas as well. ugh.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God. You are one lucky duck not to be bloated after all that, dear!" i know, right? i was just wondering what was going on. i thought i'd look like i was gestating twins, but nope. i have no idea what was going on. maybe my body decided it liked me for one night. 
you don't have to be a GOT fan to get the reference. i called it the Tyrion Lannister of all of the cheesecakes simply because Tyrion is 4'4-4'5".http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101128162109/gameofthrones/images/5/53/Tyrion_Lannister_in_the_Vale.jpg SO SMALL. 
i don't remember if they were expensive. i know the M&S ones were because the price was straight at my face, but not sure about the Carrefour ones.
"I thought of Shakespearean ruffled collars before skirts actually :P" oh my god. i see it.
"Oh my god Puck get your biology right. You can /not/ see her ovaries. I hope." but it's Santana, dude. i'm sure she'd find a way to tease you by showing you her ovaries. Puck/Santana is such a weird ship. i do not approve. i ship Santana/Sebastian & Sebastian/Puck but i cannot ship Puck/Santana.
"Never had Americana butter cookies either." that's sad. very sad. they're kind of like childhood cookies here. I've eaten them when i was a kid. i know how they taste like from that. i used to demolish many tins of these!

-Sam Lupin 

Rich and sticky is how I like my caramel :) and I had another caramel chocolate bar today....
Oh, lucky. I have 3 if mum's not here, but when she's here it's technically 1 1/2 because I cut half for my brother who never gains weight. I think 4 slices is the most I've had.
YES.
Your body should always like you :) you're a very likeable person.
Oh, my, he is quite tiny. Maybe part of it is the camera angle though.
Ugh, ovaries XD nope. Not turned on by ovaries here. I ship fanfiction Pucktana if well-written but Sebtana is a huge ship of mine. I don't ship Sebastian/Puck much just because I've never thought about it :P

Hope y'all are having a better day/night than I am.

Love,
Christie