No, that's not regarding my weight.
It's regarding this club thing at our school. This is the last year I get to choose a club to join but I got stuck with intensive chem because I suck so I had to go.
Hence the reason why I almost jumped at school. It's really fucking petty I know but I was so looking forward to club and I totally brought it on myself because I don't practice chem enough. The thing that really sucked was that I started attending a chem tutor class and I thought that my chem was improving, and I was actually understanding concepts. And then to get the message that I'm stuck in intensive...I know it was based on last year's performance, but I wasn't thinking.
Conclusion that I got from nowhere: Yes, I can be angry at myself :)
Okay. My weight.
Ugh.
It's really obvious that I've put on a couple pounds the last few days.
I'm at 112lbs.
And the weekend is here.
I'm fucked, but I'll try because I hate this feeling. This feeling of fatness.
It's like I'm all lumps everywhere.
Trying not to loathe myself...and it's fucking hard.
Also trying to post more, at least once every two days ><
And I realized that I'm not counting calories and that it makes me eat a lot more so I'll be counting again tomorrow on.
Let's see. Today I had a sweet potato for the duration of morning + afternoon, a spoonful of steamed fish and around 1.5 cups broccoli, and after that a handful of prawn/shrimp crackers, so it shouldn't be over 500. Good luck to me on the scale tomorrow.
On one hand I have too much homework. On the other hand I have too much craft projects. Homework comes first. *le sigh*
I tried knitting a peter pan collar last night and it turned out to be, well, not flat. I want flat.
But I also made a pair of wristcuffs last night and those turned out quite nice although the elastic was a motherfucker. Note: wristcuffs as in the lacy type not the kinky type although I could make those easily. Pictures later.
I so desperately want to selfie but I can't because my allergies make me look like a monster.
I've also been recently obsessed with tumblr. It's so convenient! Link here.
Song recommendations will resume tomorrow/next post.
Bella: Today was better. Definitely, if only slightly.
Never, ever too much lace. Some types are fairly expensive though...and I adore venise lace but it is really damn expensive. I have a few types but more of cluny lace or cotton eyelet lace. Have fun on your search ^_^
Cursum Perficio: It gets better and I know that :) thanks. Sometimes, my brain just doesn't process.
Re older post: Thankfully nothing like Tiananmen Square did happen, although the protest is still going on which is worrying, because the people get more and more...expressive shall we say with every day passing.
Your violet hair is beautiful.
Re even older post: I actually used to love dodgeball, to me it was like a weird intriguing but slightly cruel sort of dance.
Music always cheers one up. Or 99% of the time anyway.
Kay: Thanks :D
My head still hurts from the headbanging...I try not to. Sometimes sanity and rationality leaves me :P
Re older post: Homework. It's always homework.
I'm just...not satisfied with my weight - don't think I ever will be, but now I'm closer and closer to my HW.
Sammy: (four comment replies from newest to oldest)
My favorite character is Bernadette - she has such a sharp tongue! Followed by Sheldon.
I googled pop tarts and I want some. I don't even know if they sell them here.
So do you use the other glittery pens for other notes? (glitter pens aren't that cheap, but not so expensive here.)
Crying on/off is relieving but it's also really tiring. And the poor janitors...
High school PE always used to be the worst lesson, but now I realized that I don't have to think. Finally a class where thinking is not required. Okay, literature class doesn't require much thinking either, but I have to write until my hand is sore.
Enjoy Eid then? I hope the fast isn't too hard on you.
I am very picky regarding pizza...I pick off all the anchovies and green pepper :P sometimes the onion if I'm in the mood. So basically I like Hawaiian pizza the best. Also, cheese crusts.
I believe you are still beautiful no matter your weight :)
Women actually put their breast milk in jars?! Well that's certainly interesting...it's logical, but also seems off-putting to me :/
I just call the smaller ones mandarins, the big ones oranges. I don't bother with the rest.
Maple syrup! My parents don't allow that but I love it <3 it's like honey but it so much sweeter >_<
140 calories is a fair amount in 500...
Burning privates. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. This is torture.
Sewing jargon does appear here and there, yes:P
I see that comment replies have taken up half of this post. Well, that amuses me although it isn't all that unusual :P
Love,
Christie
Just wanted to stop by Christie
ReplyDeleteAs you always leave lovely comments on my blog
Keep hanging in there girl
And 112 is teeny tiny
I know you don't see it
But I am a good xxlbs heavier than you
And people tell me that I am not fat
Take care little one x
that's awful honey. don't worry. this won't matter about 2-3 years from now. that's one way to look at it. though it's still sucky.
ReplyDeletedon't be angry at yourself. you know why? it does nothing. that's your situation now, and it's just going to be something you have to be okay with eventually, sweetie. unless you can change it, then do. if not, then just accept it. i hope that intensive is not so bad. <3
you are not lumps everywhere and you most definitely are not fat at all.
that does not sound like anything at all. trust me on that.
whoa. you still have more craft than i do. (see what i did there?)
selfie anyway if you want to. we'd still think you look absolutely adorable. because you are.
i used to be so obsessed with tumblr. now i'm just barely on it! yikes!
i actually really really hate Sheldon for some reason about 90% of the time. and other times, those 10% i'm absolutely in love with him. though about 80-90% of the time, he says something that is completely relevant to my life.
though Leonard is always perfect *w*
Poptarts are SO SO GOOD. if you can find them, take 10 and eat them all in the course of a week. they are one of my most favourite things ever.
yup. glittery pens all the way.
yeah. :'( i hope today's a bit better. i dislike the thought of people crying.
it normally ease. dry fasting from sunrise to sunset is just annoying (no food + no drink) until 5-7pm depending on prayer time.
cheese crusts *w* i can just probably subsist on a diet of just cheese crusts.
" I believe you are still beautiful no matter your weight :)" no stop it. i'm blushing. why do you all always make me blush?
yes. yes. they do. women do put their breast milk in jars. can't imagine Rachel doing it but it was so crucial to the joke.
maple is so brill. i feel like it's brilliant enough that it shouldn't be enjoyed every day - just nowadays here and there. so good!
no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.
sewing jargon confuses me. next time do some chemistry jargon and i might understand. xD
comment reply:
"Oh honey I hope you get some sleep. " you have no idea how much i sleep. so so much. i'm always asleep.
my outfit was meh. it was annoying.
"And gosh your lunch/dinner sounds scrumptious." yes. yes it was. i loved it.
i'm anal about the amount of sodium i take in. i don't like consuming loads of sodium in one go. which is such a shame as i can probably live off ramen.
"You are amazing, Sammy darling. You truly are." thank you. i'm so so so so flattered. oh my god. i will never put a comment like that in a post again - that post is just full of people going like YES SAM YOU ARE AMAZING and i'm just like blushing about.
-Sam Lupin
You can be angry. You can always feel angry. Never let anyone tell you you can't be angry or you can't be sad, because your feelings are always valid and important.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be angry at yourself about this though. Be angry that you have to do intensive chem, be angry at the situation itself, but please don't direct the anger toward yourself. You did the best you could at the time and that's all anyone can ask.
I'm jealous that you can knit. I can sew, I can do tapestry/needlepoint, but I cannot for the life of me knit or crochet. It frustrates the hell out of me and I end up going all 'The Hulk' on it.
Take care dear <3 xxxx