honestly i'm not a new year type of person. it just makes me feel old and like i've accomplished nothing.
i'm so sick atm- been prescribed citalopram in dec. and upped the dosage to 20mg last week, and the side effects are such bullshit. it makes me so nauseated i want to throw up anytime i eat
home during the holidays was hell, my mum yelled a lot etc. because of my weight gain. i need to get into the mindset of losing weight again. it was so genuinely terrifying, i had a panic attack and my mum was trying to get me to stop shaking and breathe properly and she locked us in the room and won't let my dad in and there was so much shouting and they didn't talk at all that night.
academic wise my grades are 60s and 70s. fucking sucks. really need to shape up but i can't find the motivation.
sorry i've not been around - i should post more given that i completely have the time but i'm just too lazy. been doing a bit of digital drawing lately so that's occupying my time i guess, it's very theraputic because i'm mostly drawing fanart etc for friends, and it distracts me from eating.
but god, the bullshit i've been eating. so much junk and i need to cut it out of my life. i have fruit and protein shake stuff and i need to go back to that stuff.
speaking of cutting- i think i'm getting addicted to it again. very. every relapse i just cut more and deeper and actually have to properly dress my cuts now and medical stuff is so expensive holy hell.
i'm writing this in the library with a counseling appt. in half an hour so that's goin to be fun :/ really sorry for the lack of enthusiasm i'm just really tired and have no energy at all. i'm p close to fainting or throwing up lol
xoxo
christie
I feel you on the whole New Years thing. Mostly I just look back and go "well, fuck, I'm in a worse place than I was a year ago".
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your mum was so unpleasant (I couldn't think of a nice way to write 'a bitch'). Honestly, when I saw your FB posts, I was just glad she let you come home for the holidays.
Either way, I hope this year is kinder to you than last year <3
xxxx
Bella its shelby
DeleteI want you to know i still follow you but i don't have a sign in account right now.
I feel like maybe your goals last year were way too lofty.
It would be so hard to do the kind of lessons you want to do with so much anxiety.
I think walking to the corner shop couple of times a week would probably be a good start.
Anyway i just want you to know I'm still here in the ether. X
Hi Shelby! It's really good to hear from you. I was wondering where you'd disappeared to.
DeleteI think you're right - I need to take smaller, more practical steps. At the moment the most I do is walk half a block to meet my GP and walk the rest with her to/from appointments. I don't even know how to start walking solo.
I hope you get a new account soon. You always give a really good insight. Sorry I'm a pain with disabling anon comments, but I got far too much hate when I did allow them.
Take care x