I fucked up on something really really bad and I'm angry at myself for it. I wanted to help a friend out and her girlfriend was not speaking to her but she attempted suicide and was sent to the hospital. I thought her girlfriend was not aware of her situation so I messaged her girlfriend on tumblr to please stop ignoring her. And her girlfriend thought my friend bad mouthed about her to me, and I screwed up any chance of them getting back together, and I hate myself for it. I'm trying not to think about it but avoiding it isn't really the right thing to do I know.
In other news, I gained weight and I'm at 115lbs and I don't know how one could have gained so much. Oh wait, I do, it's because I ate too much *sighs*
At least, today Letitia and I went out after school and it was awesome. I love hanging out with her. She is just such a joy and spending time with her is awesome <3 so yes at least there is some positivity in this post. I should really treat her better, because sometimes I'm really cranky and I feel horrid for being mean to her afterwards because I don't have much time left to spend with her.
Comment replies:
K: thanks, dear. My exams are actually over! :)
Sammy:I'm coping with it. And thank you. I'm still sad about it, sometimes, because certain things just remind me of her and her joy.
Exams are always stressful :( I hope I get good grades, at least they're over now I guess.
You're always so positive~ I guess there are also good things about change. I'm just pessimistic. I know that my parents mean well by moving, I guess I'm just a stubborn person.
I'm sorry for making you sad >.< and you look beautiful at your weight, yourself! Thanks for the support, Sammy.
I'll go comment on y'all's blogs now.
Love,
Christie
you tried your best at the situation you were given. things are tough but it's not your fault just because you were in the midst of it. people's actions are their own fault. the fact that she did that, whilst tragic, is not your fault and is probably a variable of so many other things. just know that. <3
ReplyDeleteyou are so cute.
breathe in, sweetie. it's okay.
i think the beautiful thing about remembering someone's joy is that you bask in the fact that they were happy. death is not a mourning of someone's life passing by as much as it is a celebration for the fact that they were there and it is unfair to them that you do not hold the memories that they would want you to hold close to them. of course, if i die (God forbid i do today), i would want people to mourn me yes for a bit, but then to get over with their lives and smile when they think of a memory related to me rather than be hurt for the fact that it's all gone.
you can't change the present, but you can change how you perceive it.
i hope you're doing better, sweetie. i'm glad the exams of doom are over. thinking of you and hoping you get good grades.
@ being always positive: i'm actually one of the most pessimistic people i know but i guess it just depends on my mood. ;)
thank you so much. i really needed to hear that today, i.e. "you look beautiful at your weight". really made my day, maybe even my week.
-Sam Lupin
It's not your fault, and I sincerely hope that they don't blame you. You wanted to help and there was a misunderstanding. If they really want to work things out, they will get past this, as should you.
ReplyDeleteYou are too lovely to be a failure, Christie dear.