I don't know how to start this.
Why don't I start with everything good first? Okay, prom/graduation dinner was last night. It was lots of fun, and Letitia was the prettiest of all the ladies there. I had lots of photos with teachers and friends and just people in general. It was great. I hope Letitia had fun, as well.
And yeah, that's it. Oh, and that exams are done and over with, but I'm starting the IB induction training program on Monday.
Okay, onto the main reasons why I stopped blogging for a while. Mostly due to exams - they were really stressful and stuff. Also at the end of May, a close friend of mine passed away. I had wanted to make a blog post to just write my feelings but I also felt like it was a really private thing. I still talk to her sometimes. My parents wanted me to get over it and move on, but it wasn't as easy as they said it was. They booked me an appointment with my psychologist at the end of June.
Exams were horrible. Weirdly, I'm still stressed out about them. Especially my literature exam, there's this one bit where I could've done so much better. Ugh.
I'm so scared of school next year. All my best friends are leaving, people who I have grown to be friends with are leaving, there are people who I barely know but would've liked to know who are also leaving. And I hate change. I'm an idiot and I know change can be for the better, I know for Letitia it's for the best and she's so very happy about it. I'm just so nervous about what I do at school next year. My mum tells me I'd be too busy to care about a social life which is probably true, but still. I love Letitia and I want the best for her, and I will always be best friends with her.
I'm moving in June. As stated above I hate change. I don't want to move.
Today was the worst day ever I swear. I can't count the number of times I've cried. My head is just flooding with so many fucking thoughts. I had like 1500 calories and I gained half a pound last night after prom and I weigh 111lbs now. I'm really sick of worrying about my weight sometimes and feeling guilty about eating but I also want to be pretty and thin. I'm not saying that you must be thin to be pretty or vice versa because it doesn't make sense but I want to be both.
I have an audition/interview thing tomorrow and I'm nervous. It requires group work with a bunch of strangers. And singing. Neither of which I'm good at.
I missed everyone, I hope you're all doing well.
Love,
Christie
Stay strong, things will be better after all of the exams wiil be finished. At least you'll have time to do pleasant things instead of studying ;)
ReplyDeletei'm glad that prom went well. :) however, i am sorry to hear about the loss of a soul on Earth, especially one that was so close to you. close to heart, close to mind is what i believe. i hope that you are able to cope. unfortunately, death is inevitable, but things like this really makes you reflect... i'm sorry, my dear. i'm thinking of you and i'm thinking of your friend as well.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry about your exams and so. it must be so stressful to do them with all the things you have going on in your head as well! take care, angel.
aw, love. i also dislike change a lot, but it's just something we need to do to grow. think of it this way, if we stay in the same place all the time, we won't be able to experience newer things. sometimes, it is for the better and sometimes, it is for the worst. the best is to take the gamble. i am more accepting of change now. the thing about change is it is best to accept it because it is bound to happen. i only hope that the transition for you is quicker.
i'm sorry today is so terrible for you. it makes me sad to know you have cried. 1,500 calories isn't much and half a pound isn't much also. and i'll tell you this - you weigh lower than i could possibly even imagine myself weighing so :) <3
i'm hoping you're able to breathe a bit more soon. chin up, buttercup.
you look beautiful as well. both of you. stunning (both of you).
-Sam Lupin