Sunday, August 23, 2015

What a Drag

I really have to start making up better titles for my posts.

But anyway...I've started watching RuPaul's Drag Race and I'm totally addicted to it. I just started watching because I've been hooked onto drag queen parodies of songs but watching the TV show is a great way to spend my day sitting on my ass and not exercising, oops. I usually sew while I watch :P I'm making a dress and I'm 80% sure I'm going to fuck it up but let's see how that goes. I need to finish it before school starts because god knows if I'll have time for anything when school starts.

Weight-wise I'm not making much progress. I'm floating all the time between 118-120lbs and I'm thinking of adjusting my UGW. Or hope that I'll magically shred one third my weight overnight. And emotionally this week's been a roller coaster because for a few days I think that I'm getting better and things are looking up, and then I fuck up- or misunderstand something, or overthink it- but I get upset and start crying. It's not always so extreme that I'll call it a breakdown, but I've had two of those this week as well :( I'm really upset at myself because I cried at my French class. I got in trouble for not completing my work I'm pretty sure the work was assigned when I was in Japan but oh well especially seeing as I made a point to finish the pile of work I had from class, on Friday. This wasn't the one on one tutoring class I had, this was the group class, and Saturday's French class was always something that lifted my mood and I always left with a smile, and I'm just angry and upset because it's no longer my happy place. Hmph, we can't always get what we want. Most times we don't. And I'm trying my best to avoid all thoughts about school at this point.

I have a little advice to ask. I have a friend in Portugal (let's call her S) who suffers from anxiety, and she's having frequent panic attacks these days because she's worried about her ex (let's call her B). B's girlfriend's therapist advised them to break up, because the therapist feels like S is interfering in B's recovery. B suffers from an eating disorder. S says she used to calm herself by talking to B, but she can't do that anymore since B is in the hospital (they still keep in contact, but not frequently, and it's difficult since theirs is a long distance relationship.) I'd like to know if there's any advice I can pass onto S, that makes her feel better when she's having an anxiety attack, or just in general?
Lemme know if I didn't make stuff clear :P names can be confusing.

Comment replies:
CP: I won't give up, thanks love :) I hope that I can convince my parents that it's a good school (it's a top school in the UK, the problem I worry about now is getting accepted :P )

Sammy: Ah, getting mums to change their minds is so hard! There's just that tiny bit of hope, now.
"there is that thing about suicide - where you're not really ending the pain, you're just transferring it to the people that actually do care about you." I'm going to save that and put it on my phone somewhere because it's a really good reminder. And it's true.
"Gosh, i want to wear one of those!!!" A yukata? They're awesome but there are 6 layers of cloth wrapped around your waist in 38 degree weather. It does look nice though and I imagine you'd look gorgeous :)
I love ramen too! If only it was less fattening...
"gosh, i cannot go to another Asian country the weight i am considering that Asian people are blunt, and if they think you're fat, many will actually tell it to your face. which is just... le sigh." Yeah, that's the thing about Asian people. I thought it was just Chinese people but apparently not :(  I just don't think they know that it hurts self esteem...

I hope everyone has better days ahead <3

Love,
Christie

1 comment:

  1. enjoy sewing and watching. you don't have to exercise if you don't like to/want to so... just saying. the only reason i Zumba is because i cannot live without it. if i go only once a week, i feel like there is something missing in my life!

    "I'm making a dress and I'm 80% sure I'm going to fuck it up but let's see how that goes." i'm 100% sure it's going to look amazing when it's done and i'm going to raise an eyebrow and tell you i can't stitch together the smallest doll

    your weight is so perfect. i wish i was there i honestly do. you are at my UGW at the moment, which is super sad (i've changed mine to more of a 121-ish even, as i am maintaining now and adding a lot of definition? i've had people tell me i've lost so much weight when i haven't lost a singular pound. the power of sculpting your body through exercise is incredible!).

    sweetheart, i'm sorry to hear about this. i hope you feel better soon. you deserve to smile lots. x

    yeah, that makes sense. when you're recovering, then being close to a person that is still suffering is super risky. when i started to recover, i used to find anything and everything triggering and anything would be enough to send me back into a relapse. now, i'm more headstrong. as for a panic attack, the ones that always help for me is to know that person that they are loved, and that everything is going to be okay. talk to them about anything at all, make them laugh. that's what always worked for me anyway. calm them down without having to tell them to "calm down" because that normally doesn't do much.

    "Ah, getting mums to change their minds is so hard! There's just that tiny bit of hope, now." they are usually more lenient as time comes. it's surprising actually, because they're always super strict when you're young and a bit less strict (still pretty strict) when you are older.

    "I'm going to save that and put it on my phone somewhere because it's a really good reminder. And it's true." aye, it is. there's always one of those things that get to you when you least expect it.
    here's another one: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/21/f1/df/21f1dfc8c93ab40988796354e68a713a.jpg

    " A yukata? They're awesome but there are 6 layers of cloth wrapped around your waist in 38 degree weather. It does look nice though and I imagine you'd look gorgeous :)" Gosh, i have to lose weight before i wear one then. this waist doesn't allow for 6 layers of cloth to be wrapped around the waist. we're also around those temps.

    "I love ramen too! If only it was less fattening..." i have 6 of them in my room right now oh my god they are too good.

    i think we just are blunt people. i mean i know many people think of me as insensitive in real life and i probably do sound like it. it's just because of the cultural setting. they think it's better to tell it to your face than tell it to your back (which i believe is true). the one good thing that comes out of it though is that when an Asian woman tells you that you are thin/have a perfect body/etc, then it means she probably genuinely thinks that. because if she didn't, she'd have no reason not to tell you she thought otherwise.


    -Sam Lupin

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