vent post at 4 am with poor grammar after a long absence. sorry. basically about self harm and i know this isnt tumblr but don't read if triggered, etc.
basically i lost my mind and being the shit for brains idiot i am, i told mother darling i was cutting and she threw away my blades and made me promise not to cut
or else she will cut with me. I don't have a fucking coping mechanism so that i can deal with things. how the fck do I cope.
also a lil parenting tip: don't tell your kid on christmas day that you bought a new razor so that if they cut, you're going to cut your own thighs as well. not the best wake-up call.
i know she's doing things for my own good but I'm just angry. I know the anger is irrational but she doesn't understand why i cut. her cutting for no reason is fucking stupid.
she also made me promise not to think about suicide. It's not fucking possible to control what i think so i've broken that twice a day at least. yay me.
father dearest is in complete denial and my brother doesnt know or care. i'd honestly rather my mum not care as well at this point
its been a week or so and i'm practically going mad
its impossible to sleep at night. i think I'll go and get blades once school starts again. easier to get away with. just not sure where to cut, mother darling checks everything. hips maybe, like when i first started
i punch walls and that helps a bit but my head still pounds
I just want to cut again. mother darling asked me what i wanted for christmas but all i wanted is to go back in time and keep my fucking mouth shut,
I'm just stupid.
hope y'all had a good christmas. a better one at least. hugs and kisses.
My ex tried to do that shit - threatening to cut himself if I did. Once he sat on my bedroom floor holding a blade to his wrist (he didn't do anything). It just does not work, and only leads to more drama and disagreements. I'm sorry your mum's acting this way. It sounds like she's desperate and doesn't know what else to do.
ReplyDeleteTry to take care of yourself, okay love? I hope 2016 brings better things for you.
<3
xxxx
People can be so thoughtless, and mothers... My grandmother was like your mother is to you (I grew up with mostly my grandparents). They think they are helping, but it just make things worse.
ReplyDeleteJust stay safe.
Hugs